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L.A. Zen is a parody on reality. After all, what isn't? Oh! By the way, think for yourself. No one else should. (In reality money comes in VERY handy.) |
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Most people don't care about social issues or helping the homeless. Then donate money because you're so cool! |
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Everyone else can go eat a box of buttholes. I'm kidding. A butthole wouldn't give you the time of day. 'Cause nobody likes you! |
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Plan Early for 2012!
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If you're planning on commiting suicide, don't be selfish. Leave the show all of your money and worldly possessions. Seriously. Are you taking it |
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with you? Is that the kind of fantasy world you live in! Any idiot knows that an angel's wings can't withstand the weight of material possessions. |
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Why do you think the crap we own's so damn heavy? Because we're selfish and we don't want the dead taking stuff up to heaven with them. |
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That's right. Face facts. You wanna go to heaven? Lose all your crap. That's the deal. |
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So why not just continue living and share your stuff with us? Or give it to us and wander around in a pair of soiled underpants, walking the streets drooling all over yourself because you don't care about anything anyway. But why should the living suffer because you're too damn dumb to take care of business. The Business? Fun. That's right. If you don't want your share of fun give it to us. We'll make sure PLENTY of fun is had, don't you worry about that.
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This has been an attempt to make light of the impoverished state of L.A. Zen's present financial situation. We do not condone |
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suicide, pandering or manipulating anyone to take their own lives or to give what they own away even though the scientific |
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and religious illustration above has proven that there are no benefits whatsoever to anyone letting their personal belongings |
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go to waste when they die - whenever that happens to be. |
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Look. We're just trying to avoid getting into trouble with PayPal. So if you do decide to take your own life and make a generous deposit of funds before you bite it, don't leave a note mentioning any of this. That would be irresponsible and sloppy.
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Besides the obvious joking around about people being depressed and vulnerable, we really do want your money. I'll speak for myself. I really |
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want your money. As much as I can get my meathooks on. I don't really have meathooks. It's just a figure of speech. LOOK! Just know |
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that I hate my job. And to be quite honest, I'm just too selfish to be a prostitute. Are you kidding me! Their hours blow! AHAHA! But |
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seriously, don' make me go back to that job. It's awful. It's boring. I just want to produce and host L.A. Zen, make cyborg babies, create art |
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which there'll be exhibits for, and we can take the show on location worldwide. Yea, travelin'! That'd be cool! |
I mean, it's your choice, right? So why leave more problems than you have to? Right? Right. You get the picture. So remember:
1) This is not a real message telling you to do anything stupid, like leave your personal belongings to go to waste. |
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2) If you're suicidal, you don't know what you're doing anyway so we're actually helping you do what's best. |
3) Why are you still reading this! Stop wasting time! Let's move it! |
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Besides the obvious joking around about people being depressed and vulnerable, we really do want your money. I'll speak for myself. I really want |
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your money. As much as I can get my meathooks into. I don't really have meathooks. It's just a figure of speech. LOOK! Just know that I hate my |
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job. And to be quite honest, I'm just too selfish to be a prostitute. Are you kidding me! Their hours blow! AHAHA! But seriously, don' make me go |
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back to that job. It's awful. It's boring. I just want to produce and host L.A. Zen, make cyborg babies, create art (all media) which there'll be exhibits |
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for, and we can take the show on location worldwide. Yea, travelin'! That'd be cool! |
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Why aren't you at PayPal.com already!?!
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Why give? What! Look. If I told you god was starving you'd want it to have food, right? So feed god. Yeah, we're having a food drive for god. Okay God with a capital "G!" Come on everyone! Let's prevent the Lord from dying of starvation. Or do you want God to die..? And you wonder why your prayers go unanswered. You selfish soulless little chumps!
Okay, that didn't work. So are you a demon worshipper? Pretend that the money's going towards buying a goat to feed the devil. Okay, Thee Devil!?! Happy now? There's a goat shortage in hell. And there are no petting zoos down there yet (zoning laws, etc.) so Satan needs goat meat STAT!
But the goat's a really really really really expensive one made of...uh, angels hair. No not that x-mas crap you put on trees. Actual factual hair of a "living breathing" angel. No, not ghost's hair. Are you even paying attention?! Ah!, PAYING. Just give us your money and we'll think for you.
Yeah, we'll take care of your gods' and demons' needs and we'll present it as a show. We'll call this mythical show that God and Satan want you to watch ('cause they're both big fans) L.A. Zen. Simple, right? The 'L.A.' part will represent Satan and all that is evil and 'Zen' will represent God or pixies or whatever will motivate you to be the most generous.
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Now leave me alone so I can daydream about how great it'll be to never have to work again. I don't need your money to do that. I'm not going to |
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beg anymore. So you just go to hell with your filthy money, you sadistic bastard and/or bitch! That's right, go buy something gold-plated and |
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shove it as far up your butthole as you can! But don't call me if you need help. Because in the attempt of helping you you'll probably blame me if |
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you get hurt. And then there are lawsuits and all kinds of crap that I just don't need to deal with. So you're on your own. Start shovin', sucka! |
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This message has been brought to you by the "Poeple Who Need People But Are Too Unfocused To Deal With People" people. (Or another fictional organization whose name is much funnier....or actually funny. Screw this. I'm bedward bound, phuckos.)
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10% of all revenue will go to research (Breast Cancer, etc.) & charitable causes such as feeding the homeless during the Holiday Season.
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Okay, so here's the deal. You don't have to give to any of the companies we're using to generate funds. But GIVE. Give directly to any good cause. |
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Volunteer for a Big Sisters or a Big Brothers Program. I volunteered more than a year of my life to co-manage a Jewish Sober Living Residence. And |
guess what? They didn't try to cannabalize or human sacrifice me. (It was a "joke!") ANYWAY, my point is that I'm much BETTERED for it. Go do good! |
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Sentiments: So I hope you packed light for the above guilt trip. Because judgment is a luxury. By tapping into the over-abundant resources of the |
multi-billion-dollar-a-year adult industry, those in real need can get the help they can't afford. Even if YOU don't like porn, it's not going to go away. |
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And no one likes dying prematurely of starvation or cancer (etc.) because of a massive wave of indifference most people find so convenient to commit. |
So, in essesnce, we could indirectly be commiting murder because we failed to act or we copped out and made it "their problem." Anyway, give or |
don't give. I'm just doing my part by reminding others that they ARE part of the equation. Everybody takes, but how many of us give something back? |
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