Most people don't care about social issues or helping the homeless so just give me your money coz your'e so cool!

Current total: $253.56 USD

Thanks for taking L.A. Zen global! Everyone else can go eat poo.

Note: If you're planning on commiting suicide, don't be selfish. Leave the show all of your money and worldly possessions. Seriously. Are you taking it with you? Is that the kind of fantasy world you live in! Any idiot knows that an angel's wings can't withstand the weight of material possessions. Why do you think the crap we own's so damn heavy? Because we're selfish and we don't want the dead taking stuff up to heaven with them. That's right. Face facts. You wanna go to heaven? Lose all your crap. That's the deal.

So why not just continue living and share your stuff with L.A. Zen? Or give it to us and wander around in a pair of soiled underpants, walking the streets drooling all over yourself because you don't care about anything real. But why should the show suffer because you're too damn dumb to take care of business. The Business? Fun. That's right. You don't want your share of fun? Then give it to us. We'll make sure fun is had. Don't you worry about that.

Just make sure you send a money order. No checks. We don't trust you, you soon-to-be homeless wackjob! Instead just use PayPal. It's quick, and it's easy. We'll have fun for you, but don't expect us to babysit too. That'll cost extra. Now let's make quick with the cash! Time's a-wastin'!

Disclaimer: This has been an attempt to make light of the impoverished state of L.A. Zen's present financial situation. We do not condone suicide, pandering or manipulating anyone to take their own lives or to give what they own away even though the scientific and religious illustration above has proven that there are no benefits whatsoever to anyone letting their personal belongings go to waste when they die - whenever that happens to be. Look. We're just trying to avoid getting into trouble with PayPal. So if you do decide to take your own life and make a generous deposit of funds before you bite it, don't leave a note mentioning any of this. That would just be irresponsible and sloppy.

I mean, it's your choice, right? So why leave more problems than you have to? Right? Right. You get the picture. So remember:

1) This is not a real message telling you to do anything stupid, like leave your personal belongings to go to waste.

2) If you're suicidal, you don't know what you're doing anyway so we're actually helping you do what's best.

3) Why are you still reading this! Stop wasting time! Let's move it!

FYI: Besides the obvious joking around about people being vulnerable and depressed, we really do want your money. I'll speak for myself. I really want your money. As much as I can get my meathooks into. I don't really have meathooks. It's just a figure of speech. LOOK! Just know that I hate my job. And to be quite honest, I'm just too selfish to be a prostitute. Are you kidding me! Their hours blow! AHAHA! But seriously, don' make me go back to that job. It's awful. It's boring. I just want to produce and host L.A. Zen, make cyborg babies, create art (all media) which there'll be exhibits for, and we can take the show onlocation worldwide. Yea, travelin'! That'd be cool!

Why aren't you at PAYPAL.com right now!?!?! GIVE! GIVE! GIVE!

Why give?!? What!?! Look. If I told you your god was starving, you'd want it to have food, right? So feed your god. Yea, we're having a food for god drive. Okay God! Come on everyone, let's prevent the lord...Lord, from dying of starvation. Or do you want your god to die!?! And you wonder why your prayers go unanswered. You selfish soulless little chump! Okay, that didn't work. So are you a demon worshipper? Pretend that the money's going towards buying a goat to feed the devil. Okay, Thee Devil!?! Happy now? There's a goat shortage in hell.

But the goats a really really really really really expensive one made of...uh, angels hair. No not the xmas crap you put on trees, but actual fluttering-of-wings angels hair. No, not ghost's hari. Are you even paying attention?! Ah!, PAYING. Just give US your money and we'll think for you. Yea, we'll take care of your gods' and demons' needs and we'll have fun and present it as a show. We'll call this mythical show that God and Satan want you to watch - coz they're both fans of the show - L.A. Zen. Simple, right? The L.A. part will represent Satan and the Zen part will represent God or pixies or whatever will make...uh, Motivate you to be the most generous.

Now leave me alone so I can daydream about how great it'll be to never have to work again. I don't need your money to do that. I'm not going to beg anymore. So you just go to hell with your filthy money, you sadistic bastard and/or bitch! That's right, go buy something gold-plated and shove it as far up your butthole as you can! But don't call me if you need help. Because in the attempt of helping you you'll probably blame me if you get hurt. And then there are lawsuits and all kinds of crap that I just don't need to deal with. So you're on your own!

This message has been brought to you by "Poeple Who Need People But Are Too Unfocused To Deal With People" People. Or another fictitious organization whose name is much funnier. Screw it. I'm tired.

Clickity Click > > > Hey, look! It's Will Ferrell! < < < Clickity Clack

Note: L.A. Zen is a parody on reality. After all, what isn't..? Oh, by the way, think for yourself. No one else should be.

[ant fart]