Prize & Gift Page | For Hoochie Mama Squad Members, Quiz & Contest Participants

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Gifts & Prizes

We Like to Share with Those who Share what We Like.

Toys, Novelties & Other Cool Crap

.Betty Boop Man-Training Kit

.Comes with bendable Betty figure and a 32-page man-training manual.

.Desktop Aquarium

.Comes with 2 magnetic fish, gravel, magnetic wand, plant, 3 backgrounds & 32-pg book.

.Desktop Titanic

.Comes with sinking ship, iceberg (guilty as(s) charged), 2 lifeboats & faux water.

.Frenzies Cell Charm, Peach Girl Head

Cute lil peach girl head (or some sorta fruit) cell phone charm.

.Frenzies Cell Charm, Rainbow & Clouds

.Rainbow with a smiley cloud on each end.

.Frenzies Cell Charm, Cow w/Tommy Gun

.Cow with a tommie (Thompson) machine gun. I t'ink it's a mad cow, mon. Steer clear!

.Fortune Cookie

.Metallic fortune cookie and 500 fortunes to choose from.

Ginormus Toothbrush	Color

.Giant plastic toothbrush. (Do not brush teeth with this. DUUUUH! DERRRRR!)

Ginormus Scissors	Color

.Giant plastic scissors. (Do not use for cutting. They're just pretend. SHEESH!)

.Girlz Rock

.Little 96-page book of Big Attitude and 16 badass magnets.

.Gumby & Pokey (Bendies)

.Bendable figures of Gumby and Pokey.

Hanging Gardens of Babylon	Photo

.Comes with seeds, planter, peat pellet and 32-page book.

.Happy Face Bouncing Strobe Ball

.Clear yellow ball with glittery confetti that reflects colorful strobe lighting when bounced.

.Happy Face Note Pads

.Sixty (60) ruled sheets of happiness.

.Happy Face Punch Balls

.Two (2) imprinted happy face punch balls.

.Hello Kitty Dress Me Up

.Magnetic kit includes clothing and accessory stickers and 16-page book.

.Hello Kitty Little Letters Set

.Comes with tiny envelopes, stationary, pencil & sharpener, eraser and book of stickers.

.Itty Bitty Buddha

.Comes with itty bitty Buddha, stand, incense, holder and 32-page book.

.Jumbo Pen (Mickey Mouse)

.Giant pen with Mickey Mouse all over it. (Seriously, it's huuuuuge!)

.Jumbo Pen (Winnie The Pooh)

.Giant pen with Winnie The Pooh all over it. (Not "poo." Pooh. Oh, just forget it!)

.Mini Bozo Bop Bag

.Inflatable bop bag with sand in base so it bounces back to absorb more pent-up rage.

.Mini Desk Construction Site

.Comes with 6 traffic cones, 2 saw horses, 3 office magnets, Do Not Cross tape & blueprint.

.Mini Voodoo Kit

.Comes with voodoo doll, pins and 32-page book.

.Mini Zen Gardening Kit

.Comes with base, sand, rocks, rake and 32-page book.

.Mini Zen Water Garden

.Palm-size water garden and 32-page book.

.Nightmare Before X-mas, Lock & Barell

.Nightmare Before Christmas Lock & Barell trading figure set.

.Nightmare Before X-mas, Oogie Boogie

.Nightmare Before Christmas Oogie Boogie trading figure.

.Nun Bowling

.Comes with 10 nun pins, ball of hellfire and 32-page book. (Don't worry. Not life-size.)

.Office Space Box of Flair

.Comes with 15 buttons with quotes from the movie and a 32-page book.

.Skelanimals, Bunny

.Cute and cuddly skeletal bunny rabbit. (Affixed to base.)

.Skelanimals, Kitty

.Cute and cuddly skeletal kitty cat. (Affixed to base.)

.Skelanimals, Panda

.Cute and cuddly skeletal panda bear. (Affixed to base.)

.Squirt Gum

.Surprise your friends! (Yeah, right. Any idiot can see the squirt tube! Uuuuh...YAAAAAY!)

.Wall-E Puzzle

.63-piece jigsaw puzzle from Disney-PIXAR's animated feature Wall-E.

.Wash Away Your Sins (W.A.Y.S.)

Comes with 3 Easter lily scent towelettes, W.A.Y.S. soap & handbook w/confessional log.

.Zen Meditation Balls

.Set of (2) meditation chime balls and 88-page book.

Moop: I always have fun picking out the gifts and prizes. When I get a chance, I'll link to images of the fun stuff you're now excitedly perusing.

Lewd, Crude & Rude Pranks, Gags & Novelties

.Fake Spill (Ketchup Packet)

.Resembles a leaking ketchup packet. (Don't put this where someone could slip on it.)

.Fake Spill (Correction Fluid)

.Resembles a spilled bottle of correction fluid. (Don't put this where...uh-huh, ya got it.)

.Fake Spill (Toothpaste)

.Resembles a spilled travel-size tube of toothpaste. (Don't put this where...zzzzz!)

.Fukitol Pill Squeezie (Pic)

.Foam rubber pill-shaped squeezie with "FUKITOL" on it to show you're REALLY pissed.

.Got Balls? Squeezie (Pic)

.Foam rubber scrotum sac-shaped squeezie. (Comes in Caucasian & albino flesh only.)

The Art of the Fart	Photo

.Set includes: The Art of the Fart book and old school inflatable whoopee cushion.

Whoopee Cushion	Colors

.Original inflatable air bag used to simulate the expelling of gas from one's bum.

Whoopee Cushion	Colors

.Original inflatable air bag used to simulate the expelling of gas from...yeah, ya got it.

.Flarp (Fart Machine)

.6 butt-combustin' sounds: clASSic, juicy, nervous, power, ripper and up tight!

.Noise Machine (Flarp)

.Same model, different packaging, not much of a difference...DUH! Me shut face now.

.Whoopee Cushion (Electronic)

.Major advancement in flatulence technology! (With remote control & extra batteries.)

Prip: Those that dislike fart-oriented pastimes must realize that those who don't mind them as much don't think like them at all (i.e., fun varies.)

Smerp: I don't vouch for the flavor (or lack thereof) of the above candies. I don't manufacture them. Nor do I own stock in these companies.
Candy Aisle
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.Chocolate Covered Sunflower Seeds	.Chocolate covered sunflower seeds (3-ounce tube, a heapin' handful.)
.Everlasting Gobstoppers (Yep, Wonka!)	.6-ounce box of jawbreakers that change colors and flavors!
.Flash Pop Min, Flashing Cherry	.Flashing Cherry Flash Pop (Battery-operated. Lights up!)
.Flash Pop Mini, Radiant Strawberry	.Radiant Strawberry Flash Pop (Battery-operated. Lights up!)
.Flash Pop Mini, Glowing Watermelon	.Glowing Watermelon Flash Pop (Battery-operated. Lights up!)
.Marvel Heros (Hulk, Iron Man or Spiderman)	.Super hero pop rocks with thumbs up lollipops.
.Muddy Bears	.Milk chocolate covered gummi bears. Chocolatey. Chewy. Beary tasty!
.Pez Dispenser, Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story)	.Buzz Lightyear dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Dinosaur (Tyrannosaurus Rex)	.Tyrannosaurus rex dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Duck	.Duck dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Goofy (Disney)	.Buzz Lightyear dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Jack-Jack (The Incredibles)	.Jack-Jack (the toddler) dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, NASCAR (18-Wheel Transport Rig)	.NASCAR transport rig (# 2) dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, NASCAR (18-Wheel Transport Rig)	.NASCAR transport rig (# 17) dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, NASCAR (18-Wheel Transport Rig)	.NASCAR transport rig (# 24) dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Pluto (Disney)	.Pluto (yeah, Mickey's dog) dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, R2D2	.R2D2 dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Reindeer (Not Rudolf)	.Reindeer dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Santa Claus	.Santa Claus dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Tigger (Winnie The Pooh)	.Tigger dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Tinkerbell (Original)	.Original (Blonde) Tinkerbell dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Tinkerbell (African-American)	.African-American Tinkerbell dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Tinkerbell (Brunette)	.Brunette Tinkerbell dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Unknown Robot Character	.Unknown robot dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Winnie The Pooh	.Winnie The Pooh dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Woody (Toy Story)	.Woody dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Pez Dispenser, Yoda (Yeah, as in Star Wars. Derrr!)	.Yoda dispenser (Includes 6 candy refills.)
.Wii Candy Dispenser	.Comes Wiith pre-packaged generic candy discs (Wiith extra Sweetheart refills.)
.Too Tarts Spray Candy, Strawbewwy	.Super sweet "strawbewwy" spray candy.
.Too Tarts Spray Candy, Straw Bewwy	.Sugar free (sour) "straw bewwy" spray candy.
.Too Tarts Spray Candy, Blueberry	.Super sweet blueberry spray candy.
.Too Tarts Spray Candy, Blu Bewwy	.Sugar free (sour) "blu bewwy' spray candy.
.Too Tarts Spray Candy, Green Apple	.Super sweet green apple spray candy.
Too Tarts Spray Candy, Gween Apple	.Sugar free (sour) "gween apple" spray candy.
.Warheads Spray Candy, Black Cherry	.Warheads super sour black berry spray candy.
.Whoppers, Strawberry Milkshake (Balls)	.Strawberry milkshake flavored malted milk balls. (Say that 10 times fast.)
.Wonka Kazoozles, Cherry Punch	.Cherry Punch (2 cherry ropes with punch filling.)
.Wonka Kazoozles, Pink Lemonade	.Pink Lemonade (2 lemon ropes with cherry filling.)
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I don't vouch for the flavor (or lack thereof) of the above candies. I don't manufacture them. Nor do I own stock in their companies (yep, deja vu... yawn)
Gross, "Godly" & Quasi-Phucked Up Candy Aisle
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.Box of Boogers (Gummies)	.Tangy gummy boogies that look & feel real.
.Candy Cross, Chocolaty	.Zealot? Heatheny glutton? Matters not. Receive the Lord into your tummy.
.Candy Cross, White Cross	.Holy crap! This thing's over-packaged! Uuuh...the white chocolate version.
.Candy Jackpot, Red	.Mini slot machine with multi-colored candy balls. (Suck this slot's balls.)
.Candy Jackpot, Blue	.Mini slot machine with candy balls. It's gamble-licious! (No money required.)
.Ear Wax, Strawberry	.Extremely sour strawberry candy paste.
.Ear Wax, Green Apple	.Extremely sour green apple candy paste.
.Gummi Frankenstein Brains (With Real Fruit Juice!)	.Warning! Caution! Uuuuh!: Mindless freakiness may occur. Oops! Too late.
.Gummi Ratz Candy (Only 20 Calories Per Rodent!)	.Cute lil baby rodents. They're gummi. They're delicious. THEY'RE NOT REAL!
.Gummy Sharks (Dolphin-safe Candy Predators!)	.It's your turn to attack back! Take a bite outta a shark's behind this time!
.Inspirational Candy Necklace	.Candy necklace with a delicious cross dangling down from on high. Mm-hm!
.Skeleton Pops (Skeleton-shaped Lollipops)	.Ever think "Maybe death would like a little head." No. 'Cause you're selfish!
.Toxic Waste Candy (Lil Barrels of "Yummy Death")	.Mr. Toxic Head toxic waste candy. Don't destroy the earth. Destroy your mouth!
.Zit Poppers	.Oozy, sticky, goo filled zit gummies.
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Lip Balms (Although appetizing, NOT edible.)

.Milk Duds

.Milk chocolate and caramel scented lip balm.

.Good & Plenty

.Good & Plenty lip balm.

.Bubble Yum

.Cotton candy flavoured lip balm.

.Ice Breakers (Sours)

.Pink lemonade lip balm.

.Mounds

.Dark chocolate scented lip balm.

.Reese's Pieces

.Peanut butter lip balm.

.Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

.Reese's peanut butter cup flavoured lip balm.

.York Peppermint Patty

.Peppermint patty lip balm.

.Red Hots

.Cinnamon flavoured lip balm.

Sweethearts	Scent/Flavour	Wintergreen

.Wintergreen scented/flavoured lip balm.

Sweethearts	Scent/Flavour	Lemon

.Lemon scented/flavoured lip balm.

Sweethearts	Scent/Flavour	Grape

.Grape scented/flavoured lip balm.

Sweethearts	Scent/Flavour	Orange

.Orange scented/flavoured lip balm.

Sweethearts	Scent/Flavour	Banana

.Banana scented/flavoured lip balm.

Sweethearts	Scent/Flavour	Cherry

.Cherry scented/flavoured lip balm.

Laffy Taffy	Flavour	Grape

.Grape flavoured lip balm.

Dairy Queen Blizzard	Flavour	Wintergreen

.Blizzard banana cream pie flavoured lip balm.

Pepsi	Flavour	Wild Cherry

.Wild Cherry flavoured lip balm.

.Mountain Dew

.Mountain Dew flavoured lip balm.

.Dr. Pepper

.Dr. Pepper Lip Sips.

Dr. Pepper	Scent/Flavour	Cherry

.Dr. Pepper Cherry Lip Sips.

Smeep: These here lip balms (aka "chap stick" - not to be confused with the company of the same name) are scented and/or flavored as noted.

Eep: If you don't feel that you can competently and/or safely light incense without setting other things ablaze, skip these selections altogether.
Incense, Burners & Holders
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.Buddha Incense Burner	.Incense choices: Nag Champa, Full Moon, Nightfall or Ocean Sand. (25 cones.)
.Wooden Aroma Gift Box	.Built-in storage chamber (20 incense sticks: 10 Mediterranean, 10 Providence.)
.Wooden Ash Catcher	.Incense choices: Nag Champa, Full Moon, Nightfall or Earth. (25 cones.)
.Mulberry Incense Holder	.Comes with 20 mulberry-scented incense sticks.
.Incense, Nag Champa	.Nag Champa (25 incense sticks, no holder.)
.Incense, Nightfall	.Nightfall (25 incense sticks, no holder.)
.Incense, Full Moon	.Full Moon (25 incense sticks, no holder.)
.Incense, Earth	.Earth (25 incense sticks, no holder.)
.Incense, Nag Champa	.Nag Champa (25 incense cones, no holder.)
.Incense, Nightfall	.Nightfall (25 incense cones, no holder.)
.Incense, Full Moon	.Full Moon (25 incense cones, no holder.)
.Incense, Ocean Sand	.Ocean Sand (25 incense cones, no holder.)
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Practical Crapola

Book Light	General Electric

.Are you a nocturnal creature that can read in the dark? I didn't think so.

Book Light	Generic

.You don't have super powers so don't act like you do. Light is good. Really. You should try it.

.Coke Tote Bag (Go Green!)

.Shop in good conscience knowing you're not contributing to plastic bag earth rape.

Lunchbox Container Thingy	Color

.Pink lunchbox container thingy with handle and hearts all over it. (Small, pre-scuffed.)

Uh: One thing that can be said about us is that, we're anything but(t) practical. At least not by the standards of the status quo (aka "sheeple.")

Quip: These are great if you're devoured by cannibals who are "picky eaters" and ya wanna taste like a "girlie drink" or an x-mas cookie.
Toilet Treats (aka "Toiletries")
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.Body Butter, Margarita	.Got dry skin? Raging alcoholic? Raging alcoholic with dry skin? Perfect! (2.83 Oz/80G)
.Body Butter, Pina Colada	.Got dry skin? Raging alcoholic..? Yeah, they heard ya the first time, pal. (2.83 Oz/80G)
.Body Butter, Pink Lady	.Got dry skin? Raging alcoholic? Oh, he's so original and HELL-arious. (2.83 Oz/80G)
.Gingerbread Scented Body Lotion	.Gingerbread person-shaped bottle of gingerbread scented body lotion. (7.4 Oz/220ML)
.Gingerbread Scented Shower Gel	.Gingerbread person-shaped bottle of gingerbread scented shower gel. (7.4 Oz/220ML)
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Wind-up Pooping Critters

Funny Bunny	Colors

.Poops jelly beans. Includes a 9-ounce (or bigger) bag of jelly beans (aka 'poo refills.')

.Cluckers The Chicken (Whites Only) *

.Poops Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum that is "coincidentally" shaped like lil eggs, not poo.

* = This remark is meant to poke (or peck) fun at segregation AND to let you know that Cluckers only comes in white...the racist cock! .hehehe. :0)~

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